Ooopsie Whoopsie...

Hey Guys! It's me, Bentley!

I'm in a little bit of a pickle. You see, my mother, we'll call her Stacey for the sake of argument, is really not happy with me! To be honest, all hell broke loose last night...I'll tell you my story and then you can make your own decision. It began a few months ago when she started really working with me on behaving. Back then I was a cute little puppy and I know that she thought I was just being a "puppy" and that's why my attention span was not all that great. Wrong. I am a terrier...that's what I do...I terrorize! I think that she has caught on to my game now though and here was my first clue. She created a "no-no" stick. It was a rolled up paper magazine, Farm Bureau, I believe. My first instinct was "hey, why aren't you looking in the classifieds of this paper to find us a house with some land so I can run freely" but she was actually using it to "discipline" me! Not cool. So, eventually, my AMAZING jumping skills that are structurally created within my DNA kicked in. Oh yes, I can jump way high...and soar too! From one couch to another...not to brag or anything, but I should be studied I'm so good. Anyway, she usually leaves me unattended when she gets ready in the mornings. I like to keep her on her toes though. Usually, she shuts her door and I, being the "good dog" she wants me to be would be laying outside her door when she opens it when she finally emerges from getting ready...geesh, she should be studied...it takes her forever...probably has to do with that hair she has...I'll give her credit, it aint easy taming that mess...believe me, I've seen it in ALL stages! Long story short, she shut her door and I knew I had time to seek and destroy the "no-no" stick. I unleashed all my energy and ran down the hall, made the turn around the couch and then I kicked into my Micheal Jordan soaring action and BAM! I was on the coffee table, the holder of the "no-no" stick. I quickly devoured it. Funny thing is not only did she have to clean it up, but she had nothing to punish me with! ha ha ha...

Then, she decided to use the fly-swater to pop me...

As you can see, I didn't take to kindly to that source of discipline either!

So, now we are working on "hush" and "no" in the verbal tense without any rod of correction. I know that I like it much better, her...not so much. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't care to listen to the long string of words that are coming out of her mouth. Some words I have never heard before...kinda ear piercing and for a dog to say that, well...that's bad since we can hear and tolerate noised you humans can't!

If you will recall, she cleaned out her closet while we were at her parents for Christmas. Well, talk about junk. She found these stuffed "things" and threw them at me to play with. I think it was more of a way to get me out from under her feet. I love to stay right under her and she hates it. She's scared I'm going to trip her...she caught on to my motive faster than I thought. She is no dummy, that's for sure! So I played with them nicely for a while, but when we got back home, I was really tired of those "things" looking at me so I tore off their eyes...then I pulled out their head stuffing. Of course, I do this kind of activity at night because she is in her bed sleeping and I am in my crate plotting out the next day's course of actions. I also know that she likes to keep her house so so, which is why when I pulled out all the stuffing I pushed it through my crates' bars so the stuffing would be everywhere...just not in my "house." She didn't care for this either. Hell, I was just trying to give her something to do. I thought it was kinda sweet...hahaha!

I mean look at these freaks...wouldn't you have done the same thing???

Well, last night I really got to her. She is so quiet here at night and she never talks to me so I, being the gentleman that I am, initiated the conversation with a HIGH pitched bark. Man, her eyes shot right through me! She didn't respond so I did it again. Oh, that made her speak to me but it was that dreadful "hush." Whatever I thought, so I pranced on out to the balcony to do some more patrolling and to watch for that guy that always speaks to her...I don't care for this dude and I let it show by standing between them and barking uncontrollably until he is forced to carry on about his business because he can't get a word in edgewise. Back to my story, she was bundled up with her new favorite blanked that Courtney gave her for Christmas. I must admit, it is very soft. If I didn't have a built in blanket of fur, I would probably get under it too. She bundles up every night because she is cheap, I mean "thrifty," and won't run the heat. Well, I had been in the crate all day it seemed on both Saturday and Sunday and I wasn't going to let her forget that I was NOT happy about it! She was in the recliner as usual, but she didn't have her foot rest up, so I cautiously carried out my next scheme. I had to empty my bladder. Usually, I go to the door and whine or jump and she knows I need to go mark my territory, but not tonight. My new target was her. I know that when I did it she just thought I was trying to get under her feet as usual, but not this time. My motive was completely different. I unleashed a massive amount of processed water onto her new blanket. To my surprise, it didn't soak it up it beaded up like rain on a waxed car and pooled at her feet. Rut Row, this may not be good. Knowing the next few minutes may turn ugly I quickly ran and hid under the table. Then it happened. She finally got up and when she threw her blanket off of her...well, pee flew EVERYWHERE!! On the blinds, on the sliding glass doors, on the floor, on the rug, on the chair and on her. Note to self: cut back on my water intake, that was a lot. Anyway, to say the least she was, well, pissed! HAHAHA, man I wag my own tail sometimes! Can you believe that she put me in my crate without a treat?!?! Ugh, the audacity she has...obviously she didn't appreciate my gesture. She also said words like "pound puppy" "meet Jesus tonight" and I think there were some words in Spanish too! I'm not sure what a "pound puppy" is, but I am kinda excited about meeting this Jesus character. He must be pretty cool because I have heard her say his name before but her eyes were always closed. So, my guess is that he is this person that is so awesome that you can't look directly at him...I don't know, I must pontificate on this subject matter some more. Well, it looks like she isn't going to work today so I must leave you now and go plot some more from my favorite spot...

My perch on the balcony!

Crotch sniffs and wet kisses,
Bentley

P.S. I think that she is thinking of changing my name from Bentley, to Damnit Bentley. I've been hearing it a lot lately. She must be verbally testing it out to see if she likes the way it rolls off her tongue.